Brigham's Conversations

I have the best conversations with Brigham. I'm always looking at Ty saying, "Do most 3 year olds talk like that?" Yesterday, we were talking about his dad and I asked, "How come you have such a great dad?" His answer, "Because he knows where all the bathrooms are!" Man I love that kid!

Adoption Update

It's hard for me to keep up with who I tell what, so I thought I would give everyone an update here. If you're a little behind, we are adopting! We were paper ready 2 weeks ago this past Wednesday. We've been shown to 2 birthmoms who didn't pick us. We've turned down being shown to 3 birthmoms due to birthmom doing cocaine, cost too high, etc. We had a neighbor call us about someone they knew, but the baby was caucasian. We are so positive we are looking for a dark skinned little boy out there. The craziest part is that 4 of these 6 babies are born. So if we had matched, we would have our baby home with us right now! So because we kept thinking it could happen any day, this past weekend we did the bedroom moving. Macy moved into Kamryn's large room that is truly meant for 2 kids and Brigham moved into Macy's old room. Because of my awesome friend Cari Gardner and her sister-in-law, Ally, the nursery can now be called a nursery. The onesies and jammies are sorted by size and ready to go. The crib is set up, there is a swing, a cradle, a bouncer, (see I told you, they set me up!) So today I got another call, a baby being born in Lousiana, so again here goes the showing of the profile and we should find out by the end of next week if she picked us. Too bad my friend Angie doesn't live in New Orleans anymore, if she does pick us I'll have to stay there 7-10 days before I can bring the baby back to Utah. This one's not due until December 4th, so we have some time to arrange everything. But, who knows if we'll be picked or not! The roller coaster ride of adoption!

Venting

You know how sometimes you just need to vent. Well I feel that way today and I feel like it needs to be somewhat public, not just a journal entry on my new favorite website ldsjournal.com. So I apologize to any who read and don't appreciate hearing me complaining, but I don't think too many people read this blog anyway.

Chronic pain SUCKS! (My kids are not allowed to use that word, but it seemed appropriate in this circumstance.) I've been feeling better lately and today I just hurt! I hurt in every joint, every muscle, every nerve, everywhere. And I've always prided myself that I've been able to tolerant high amounts of pain and I think, "Well there you have it, you get prideful about something and the next thing you know, your being told 'well if your so good at handling pain, here you go, now let's see how you handle it 24/7.'" So I hurt every day, every hour, every minute, every second. It just really makes life difficult. It interferes with every aspect of my life.

For the most part I've come to accept it. I don't like the sound of that word accept. I don't mean that I've given up, for me it means, I've accepted that I no longer have the life I used to have. That acceptance has helped me a lot, I have let go of a lot of the guilt of not doing things I used to, I let myself rest (because I absolutely HAVE to) without feeling guilty or angry with myself. Through this acceptance I have also become a very grateful person, I notice the little things and am soo grateful for them.

But today, I'm a complainer, maybe even a whiner. I hate to hear people say that someone went through a trial and never complained. REALLY? Like I said, I've come to a good place within all this, but some days I just have to complain. I just have to say, "This sucks!" "I hate this!" "Why me?" Then I get on with my life, but I think that if I didn't express what I was feeling, then it would build and build inside me and eventually I would burst.

See I feel better already, I just needed to vent today. Thanks....

BYU Football

What an amazing game tonight. I was truly impressed with the BYU team. They were up against a formidable opponent, yet they never gave up the fight. The crazy thing is that my heart keeps going to the poor Oklahoma team. This must have been a devastating loss for them. I love sports, but wish that there didn't always have to be a loser. No matter how you look at it, there is always a loser, no way around it. Of course my mind than goes to life. I am so grateful that in life there doesn't HAVE to be a loser. There are those that choose that path, but life is such that we can ALL win. We just have to persevere. I like to think that I am like the BYU team tonight. I am up against a formidable opponent, yet I continue to fight.

My little guy's Big day!

Today was Brigham's first day of Preschool. Man I think I'm feeling more melancholy than I have with any of the kids. Maybe it's because he's my baby (for now anywho!). I just kept thinking he's too little and then I would look at him and go, oh yeah, he's gotten so big. I think sometimes we as mothers don't notice how big until big events like this. We block it all out, we're in denial and then one day I'm sure I'm going to say, "Wait, he just started preschool, he can't be going on a mission!"Goofy Pics!!!

In front of his preschool & sitting at his table! What a cutie!!!

Crawdad Fishin'

Our good friends, the Dunns, invited us to go crawdad fishin' again this year! My kids love it! We haven't gone for 4 years and luckily this time Kamryn didn't fall in the lake again. Unfortunately I haven't been able to go either time, maybe next year! I guess after you catch the crawdads you cook them up for dinner. I asked the kids if they tasted like shrimp. "No, kind of like chicken, but their not very good!" Thanks Dunns!
Kinsie, after pulling up her catch.

Kinsie and Brigham waiting for a crawdad to bite.

Macy's not afraid to hold a crawdad!

Neither is Kamryn!

Love this picture of my beautiful Macy girl!

Good friend, Cessalea Dunn.

Good friend, Jen Labrum.

The Frandsen kids, Gabe and Ava.

Good friends, Tara and Paul Frandsen.

The kids going back to School

Kinsie and her friend Kenly Secretan.

Toby

On Memorial Day we added this cute little puppy to our family.

He is a miniature schnauzer (sp?) and is as cute as can be.

I've never had an indoor dog before, but love him! He is a great puppy! I had to post these cute pictures of him, because he is no longer so small, but still just as cute!

Brigham's Mess

Okay, so this happened a while ago, but I felt like it was worthy of being documented. Last spring, as most of you know, was physically really tough on me. Well one day, I just couldn't handle it anymore and laid down to rest. The girls were in school and I should have known better, I woke up to this lovely mess! Brigham had gotten out the flour, sugar, brown sugar, powdered sugar, cinnamon sugar, hot cocoa and threw in a banana just for fun!
They were so mixed up that I had to throw EVERYTHING out! The full one there on the left, well when I dumped out, I found a surprise inside, a cup and a big piece of banana!
Brigham upset for getting in trouble, I do have to admit, he let me sleep, didn't bug me once!
Had to take pictures and document this moment. He reminded me of my brother Brian, I'll never forget finding him on the kitchen floor covered in flour when he was about this same age!

Enjoying the Summer

Lake Powell (just saying it makes me sigh.....)

Ty and the girls cliff jumping!

(I actually did it too, but won't gross you out by showing myself in a swimsuit!)
Cute Toby on the boat!
Brigham, watching his sisters and dad cliff jumping.

Beautiful Sunset

Hiking to the indian ruins.

We have had a couple of fun family trips this month. First Lake Powell, one of our favorite places and then up to my parent's cabin, one of our other favorite places. It's amazing to me how different these two places look and are, but yet I find them both so beautiful in their own ways. There is something peaceful about spending time with your favorite people in beautiful places.

Me and the kids in front of the cabin.
Toby and Brigham, veggin'.

Ty and the kids on the 4 wheeler.

I'm going to try to get back into blogging!

(Okay, so this one's for you Lari! )


Life is interesting, isn't it? I feel like the last couple years have been all about keeping my head above water. The doggy paddle is the best I've been able to do. But due to a new regiment of lovely hormone therapy, I am actually adding a swift kick to my doggy paddle. Exciting isn't it? It's amazing how good it feels to feel better, when you've been feeling so crappy for so long!

So, when you feel like you are starting to get a better handle on things, the Lord sure knows how to turn you upside down again! As we are starting the adoption process, I am continually thinking, "How in the world are we going to do this? We've given everything away! I love dejunking! My health is a little better, but I'm no where near to being considered extremely healthy! And the cost of adoption is astronomical! How? How? How?" And then you have to sit back and say, "Heavenly Father, this one has to be in your hands completely, because I am incapable of doing it."

And then I start thinking about this little boy that is going to join our family and all I can do is smile and almost cry, because it just makes sense. I don't know how, but it does. He is supposed to be in our family and so now, we just have to find him. It's like I've become anxious to find him. I've already started talking about moving Brigham in with Macy and setting up the nursery! (With what, I don't know, we do have our crib, luckily because the friends we gave it to ended up not needing it, but that's it!!!!) So my little boy, whereever you are out there, we are so excited to have you join our family and we can't wait until you are here!

A Visit to Temple Square

The Family in front of the Salt Lake Temple.
The Nativity.
The Robbins kids and Cousins.

The Beautiful lights with the Temple.

We visited Temple Square during Christmas Time.

It was beautiful! We took my nieces Breanne and Morgan.

Kamryn's 1st Cheerleading Competition

Great Formation!
Kamryn is the girl furthest on the left.

Cousin Breanne came to watch too!

Kamryn & Brigham!

I'm not sure if you can tell from that smile, how happy Kamryn was.

She was in HEAVEN! It was a crazy atmosphere. But we had a lot fun!

Have you been Naughty or Nice?

Visiting Santa at the mall.

The Robbins kids with Santa.
Kinsie and Kamryn thought they were too old, but I made them anyway!

Macy who was still a little scared of Santa last year, wasn't scared at all! Woohoo! Progress!

I was worried Brigham would freak out, but he did great.