You know how sometimes you just need to vent. Well I feel that way today and I feel like it needs to be somewhat public, not just a journal entry on my new favorite website ldsjournal.com. So I apologize to any who read and don't appreciate hearing me complaining, but I don't think too many people read this blog anyway.
Chronic pain SUCKS! (My kids are not allowed to use that word, but it seemed appropriate in this circumstance.) I've been feeling better lately and today I just hurt! I hurt in every joint, every muscle, every nerve, everywhere. And I've always prided myself that I've been able to tolerant high amounts of pain and I think, "Well there you have it, you get prideful about something and the next thing you know, your being told 'well if your so good at handling pain, here you go, now let's see how you handle it 24/7.'" So I hurt every day, every hour, every minute, every second. It just really makes life difficult. It interferes with every aspect of my life.
For the most part I've come to accept it. I don't like the sound of that word accept. I don't mean that I've given up, for me it means, I've accepted that I no longer have the life I used to have. That acceptance has helped me a lot, I have let go of a lot of the guilt of not doing things I used to, I let myself rest (because I absolutely HAVE to) without feeling guilty or angry with myself. Through this acceptance I have also become a very grateful person, I notice the little things and am soo grateful for them.
But today, I'm a complainer, maybe even a whiner. I hate to hear people say that someone went through a trial and never complained. REALLY? Like I said, I've come to a good place within all this, but some days I just have to complain. I just have to say, "This sucks!" "I hate this!" "Why me?" Then I get on with my life, but I think that if I didn't express what I was feeling, then it would build and build inside me and eventually I would burst.
See I feel better already, I just needed to vent today. Thanks....
3 comments:
I totally get the need to vent. I had so many days where I felt like this too, I get it. Vent away....and I hope tomorrow is a better day for you!
Kristin, I am so sorry with what you are dealing with. I can't imagine being constantly in pain, I don't do well with it sporadically. It's ok to vent and be frustrated, and I think your blog is a great place to do this. People who read it can gain strength from your experiences and realize when the go through tough times, it's ok to admit they are tough. I wish I could help, or make things better.
There is a difference between having a disposition of complaining (which you don't have) and being able to express some of the harder things you feel once in a while. I think it's cleansing.
I'm sorry that you have to live with this, I can't imagine. Can I come see you?
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