Brigham's Conversations

I have the best conversations with Brigham. I'm always looking at Ty saying, "Do most 3 year olds talk like that?" Yesterday, we were talking about his dad and I asked, "How come you have such a great dad?" His answer, "Because he knows where all the bathrooms are!" Man I love that kid!

Adoption Update

It's hard for me to keep up with who I tell what, so I thought I would give everyone an update here. If you're a little behind, we are adopting! We were paper ready 2 weeks ago this past Wednesday. We've been shown to 2 birthmoms who didn't pick us. We've turned down being shown to 3 birthmoms due to birthmom doing cocaine, cost too high, etc. We had a neighbor call us about someone they knew, but the baby was caucasian. We are so positive we are looking for a dark skinned little boy out there. The craziest part is that 4 of these 6 babies are born. So if we had matched, we would have our baby home with us right now! So because we kept thinking it could happen any day, this past weekend we did the bedroom moving. Macy moved into Kamryn's large room that is truly meant for 2 kids and Brigham moved into Macy's old room. Because of my awesome friend Cari Gardner and her sister-in-law, Ally, the nursery can now be called a nursery. The onesies and jammies are sorted by size and ready to go. The crib is set up, there is a swing, a cradle, a bouncer, (see I told you, they set me up!) So today I got another call, a baby being born in Lousiana, so again here goes the showing of the profile and we should find out by the end of next week if she picked us. Too bad my friend Angie doesn't live in New Orleans anymore, if she does pick us I'll have to stay there 7-10 days before I can bring the baby back to Utah. This one's not due until December 4th, so we have some time to arrange everything. But, who knows if we'll be picked or not! The roller coaster ride of adoption!

Venting

You know how sometimes you just need to vent. Well I feel that way today and I feel like it needs to be somewhat public, not just a journal entry on my new favorite website ldsjournal.com. So I apologize to any who read and don't appreciate hearing me complaining, but I don't think too many people read this blog anyway.

Chronic pain SUCKS! (My kids are not allowed to use that word, but it seemed appropriate in this circumstance.) I've been feeling better lately and today I just hurt! I hurt in every joint, every muscle, every nerve, everywhere. And I've always prided myself that I've been able to tolerant high amounts of pain and I think, "Well there you have it, you get prideful about something and the next thing you know, your being told 'well if your so good at handling pain, here you go, now let's see how you handle it 24/7.'" So I hurt every day, every hour, every minute, every second. It just really makes life difficult. It interferes with every aspect of my life.

For the most part I've come to accept it. I don't like the sound of that word accept. I don't mean that I've given up, for me it means, I've accepted that I no longer have the life I used to have. That acceptance has helped me a lot, I have let go of a lot of the guilt of not doing things I used to, I let myself rest (because I absolutely HAVE to) without feeling guilty or angry with myself. Through this acceptance I have also become a very grateful person, I notice the little things and am soo grateful for them.

But today, I'm a complainer, maybe even a whiner. I hate to hear people say that someone went through a trial and never complained. REALLY? Like I said, I've come to a good place within all this, but some days I just have to complain. I just have to say, "This sucks!" "I hate this!" "Why me?" Then I get on with my life, but I think that if I didn't express what I was feeling, then it would build and build inside me and eventually I would burst.

See I feel better already, I just needed to vent today. Thanks....

BYU Football

What an amazing game tonight. I was truly impressed with the BYU team. They were up against a formidable opponent, yet they never gave up the fight. The crazy thing is that my heart keeps going to the poor Oklahoma team. This must have been a devastating loss for them. I love sports, but wish that there didn't always have to be a loser. No matter how you look at it, there is always a loser, no way around it. Of course my mind than goes to life. I am so grateful that in life there doesn't HAVE to be a loser. There are those that choose that path, but life is such that we can ALL win. We just have to persevere. I like to think that I am like the BYU team tonight. I am up against a formidable opponent, yet I continue to fight.

My little guy's Big day!

Today was Brigham's first day of Preschool. Man I think I'm feeling more melancholy than I have with any of the kids. Maybe it's because he's my baby (for now anywho!). I just kept thinking he's too little and then I would look at him and go, oh yeah, he's gotten so big. I think sometimes we as mothers don't notice how big until big events like this. We block it all out, we're in denial and then one day I'm sure I'm going to say, "Wait, he just started preschool, he can't be going on a mission!"Goofy Pics!!!

In front of his preschool & sitting at his table! What a cutie!!!